Mindeæske

Mindeæske

Forleden sad jeg sammen med gode venner, og vi kom ind på det meget underlige tema: ”hvad ville du redde ud af huset, hvis det står i brand” (alle antog, at mennesker og dyr var ude og i sikkerhed). Mit svar er enkelt og uden tvivl; børnenes mindeæsker! Og hvis jeg skal vælge mellem de fire æsker side om side på reolen, vil det være Alberts mindeæske, som jeg vælger! Vel er det pokkers at miste de konkrete minder, som hører mine levende børn til. Men muligheden for at der kommer flere mælketænder, flere yndlingstegninger, flere citater og flere fotos er heldigvis og forhåbentlig til stede mange år endnu.

Sådan er det ikke med Albert. Han døde som lille, og der kommer ingen rokketænder, ingen dagens avis fra 1 års fødselsdag og intet billede af en lille fyr med en alt for stor skoletaske på første skoledag. I Alberts mindeæske er der hans dødsannonce. Et håndaftryk. En hårtot. En masse billeder af en skøn lille baby og en familie i både naiv lykke og dyb sorg. Breve fra vores kære. Digte og en dagbog. En hue og en lille bamse. Søren Huss fantastiske cd "Troen og Ingen". Mindeæsken rummer også et sort bånd. Det bånd der i næsten et år sad på antennen på vores bil, og som blev det symbolske sørgebind, jeg bar. I de første år efter Alberts død, kiggede jeg ikke i æsken, og jeg tog da slet ikke noget op derfra. Jeg puttede i og puttede i. Nu har jeg overskud til at tage den frem. Med tårer og med smil se på indholdet og al den kærlighed, det er udtryk for. Værne om Alberts minde, og finde glæde ved at have en form for jordisk bevis på hans eksistens.

I skrivende stund er det heldigvis sådan, at alle mine børns mindeæsker står på hylden. Fire æsker. Med hver deres indhold og med hver deres fortælling. Det betyder meget for mig, at Albert har en naturlig plads i vores familie; at han også der på hylden sidestilles med de andre børn - trods det at hans liv blev kort. Mine levende børn regner helt naturligt Albert med, når snakken falder på hvor mange vi er i vores familie, sådan alt i alt. På den måde er det dejligt konkret at kigge lidt i æsken på deres forespørgsel og tage den snak, der falder lige for.

Jeg tror, at det at lave en mindeæske i forhold til dødsfald kan være meningsfuldt - uanset om man er barn eller voksen. For børn, der mister en søskende eller en forældre, kan det have stor betydning at have et sted at gemme minder. Døden er på mange måder så pokkers abstrakt - en mindeæske er med til at gøre tomrummet en anelse konkret. Det er også en måde at genvinde kontrol midt i alt det, der desværre er ude af kontrol – det der intet er at gøre ved. Og dermed kan Mindeæsker blive en anledning til at snakke om den virkelighed, der er. Den fortælling der var - og den fortælling der bliver. Det gode er, at det aldrig er for sent at lave en mindeæske – eller at give en mindeæske med et mindelys til en du holder af. 

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